My Shadow

May. 8th, 2011 04:04 pm
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I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed. 

- Robert Louis Stephenson


Aug. 27th, 2009 11:29 am
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  מִזְמֹ֥ור לְדָוִ֑ד יְהוָ֥ה רֹ֝עִ֗י לֹ֣א אֶחְסָֽר׃

  בִּנְאֹ֣ות דֶּ֭שֶׁא יַרְבִּיצֵ֑נִי עַל־מֵ֖י מְנֻחֹ֣ות יְנַהֲלֵֽנִי׃

  נַפְשִׁ֥י יְשֹׁובֵ֑ב יַֽנְחֵ֥נִי בְמַעְגְּלֵי־צֶ֝֗דֶק לְמַ֣עַן שְׁמֹֽו׃

  גַּ֤ם כִּֽי־אֵלֵ֨ךְ בְּגֵ֪יא צַלְמָ֡וֶת לֹא־אִ֘ירָ֤א רָ֗ע כִּי־אַתָּ֥ה עִמָּדִ֑י שִׁבְטְךָ֥ וּ֝מִשְׁעַנְתֶּ֗ךָ הֵ֣מָּה יְנַֽחֲמֻֽנִי׃

  תַּעֲרֹ֬ךְ לְפָנַ֨י ׀ שֻׁלְחָ֗ן נֶ֥גֶד צֹרְרָ֑י דִּשַּׁ֖נְתָּ בַשֶּׁ֥מֶן רֹ֝אשִׁ֗י כֹּוסִ֥י רְוָיָֽה׃

  אַ֤ךְ ׀ טֹ֤וב וָחֶ֣סֶד יִ֭רְדְּפוּנִי כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיָּ֑י וְשַׁבְתִּ֥י בְּבֵית־יְ֝הוָ֗ה לְאֹ֣רֶךְ יָמִֽים׃


Aug. 24th, 2009 09:00 am
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My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?

O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.

But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.

Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them.

They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.

But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people.

All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,

He trusted on the LORD that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him.

But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts.

I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.

Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help.

Many bulls have compassed me: strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round.

They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion.

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels.

My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.

For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.

I may tell all my bones: they look and stare upon me.

They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture.

But be not thou far from me, O LORD: O my strength, haste thee to help me.

Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog.

Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

I will declare thy name unto my brethren: in the midst of the congregation will I praise thee.

Ye that fear the LORD, praise him; all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him; and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel.

For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.

My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation: I will pay my vows before them that fear him.

The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever.

All the ends of the world shall remember and turn unto the LORD: and all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee.

For the kingdom is the LORD's: and he is the governor among the nations.

All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship: all they that go down to the dust shall bow before him: and none can keep alive his own soul.

A seed shall serve him; it shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation.

They shall come, and shall declare his righteousness unto a people that shall be born, that he hath done this


May. 17th, 2009 10:43 am
finncullen: (Default)
Didn't get much sleep last night at all, I was rather a grumpy Finn I'm afraid.  Paradoxically I've woken up full of energy and a bizarre sort of clarity that is almost certainly a short lived altered state that will fade away soon into my usual scowling lethargy.

However until it does I intend to make the most of it.  I've already worked like a maniac this morning, clearing, sorting and throwing things out and the place is already looking better.  I will carry on till I drop I think and get the most out of this strange mood before it dissipates.

I hope it dissipates.

If this becomes a permanent thing then it could be a poor look out for the world.

Perhaps I shall go into politics.. 
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Binker (what I call him) is a secret of my own,
And Binker is the reason why I never feel alone.
Playing in the nursery, sitting on the stair,
Whatever I am busy at, Binker will be there.

Oh, Daddy is clever, he's a clever sort of man,
And Mummy is the best since the world began,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan...

But they can't See Binker.

Binker's always talking, 'cos I'm teaching him to speak
He sometimes likes to do it in a funny sort of squeak,
And he sometimes likes to do it in a hoodling sort of roar...
And I have to do it for him 'cos his throat is rather sore.

Oh, Daddy is clever, he's a clever sort of man,
And Mummy knows all that anybody can,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan...

But they don't Know Binker.

Binker's brave as lions when we're running in the park;
Binker's brave as tigers when we're lying in the dark;
Binker's brave as elephants. He never, never cries...
Except (like other people) when the soap gets in his eyes.

Oh, Daddy is Daddy, he's a Daddy sort of man,
And Mummy is as Mummy as anybody can,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan...

But they're not Like Binker.

Binker isn't greedy, but he does like things to eat,
So I have to say to people when they're giving me a sweet,
"Oh, Binker wants a chocolate, so could you give me two?"
And then I eat it for him, 'cos his teeth are rather new.

Well, I'm very fond of Daddy, but he hasn't time to play,
And I'm very fond of Mummy, but she sometimes goes away,
And I'm often cross with Nanny when she wants to brush my hair...

But Binker's always Binker, and is certain to be there. 


Apr. 15th, 2009 08:37 am
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It had been a longer than usual day, and filled slightly more than brim-full with inconvenient complications which had started from the moment I had arrived at work and realised I'd forgotten my mobile phone which meant I was chained (metaphorically) to my desk all day.  By the time I arrived home, much later than usual, I was in no mood for anything except an evening of vegetating in front of television or computer screen and then an early night.   Not even enthusiastic about cooking I'd decided to  treat myself to a take-away from the marvellous new Indian place nearby.  They delivered too, I wouldn't even have to stir.  Heavenly.

Consequently the smell of cooking as I opened the door came as quite a surprise, and not a pleasant one.  He had not expressed an interest in cooking before, certainly not cooking for me.  And as always anything he did that was outside his normal routine triggered instant panic in me, it was usually a prelude to some well crafted unpleasantness.

Unpleasantness? Surely not. )
finncullen: (Default)

Yesterday on my pillow I found a present, a gift that I was not expecting just before bedtime. What a lovely surprise. It was face down, and the back of it - toward me - was a familiar and complex design of interlacing knotwork. Hand drawn and identical - IDENTICAL - in every way to all the others in the set. His tarot deck.

Pursing my lips in concern I didn’t touch it straight away, not wanting to turn it over and plunge myself into the usual challenges and anxieties of trying to decipher whatever cryptic bloody message was being sent this time.

But the anxiety was there now already, and not knowing would make it worse. Whether it’s clicking the link, opening the private message, seeing the unexpected package on the doorstep or.. turning the card. It needs doing, and delay just makes it worse.

Thumb and finger gripped the card at either edge and I turned it.

Which would it be?

...continue... )
finncullen: (Default)

“Don’t you know how busy I am?” I said angrily as I stormed into his room. He didn’t even look up, just carried on sketching with infuriating calmness.

“Of course I do,” he answered, “I know everything, remember.”
He was sitting on the dusty floor, leaning forward and working with precise strokes using a pencil on the top sheet of a stack of white drawing paper. It would have been so easy to just kick him over, and so damned tempting.

“Don’t even consider that,” he said, “you know what a nasty temper I have.”
I hadn’t even moved, hadn’t said a word, but he knew anyway. That did nothing for my own temper, which unlike his I preferred to keep under control.

“Well if you know how busy I am, why won’t you let me-”
“Have any peace?” he said with a nasty chuckle. “Is it my fault you feel compelled to dog my heels with your incessant anxious queries. You get on with your work if you want, you’ll feel better for that.”

He stopped sketching for a moment and turned to look at me, his eyes gleaming in the dim light, a mocking smile on his face.
“Why not just get on with things?” he asked, “Leave me to my own devices.”
I wanted to stamp my feet, or rage, or call him names, or slap him (but I’d better not, he did indeed have such a temper..) but I didn’t.

“Just.. give me a little peace to get things done,” I said, almost pleading.
“You get busy, I get busy,” he replied in a sing-song voice, “that’s just the way it is. Run along now.”

I slammed the door behind me as I left and had almost reached the bottom of the stairs before I heard him laughing.


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